At home. I liked my teaching for all that it was unstructured. By liking my teaching I do not claim to have been an effective teacher. I claim to have enjoyed the process of delivering the material. I also appreciated the discussion of material in the tutorial. The rest is trivia. Little tit-bits of discussion with people floating in my horizon but not effectively affecting my life. All this a parenthesis to my life of revelry in the world of N. All this an essential aspect of the process that powers my life at a time when this is devoted to the appreciation of N. They are fulfilling in the most amazing ways those early stages of a love affair. The question is how to maintain the inertia and keep them going. Only time will tell.

Done! Well never really done till the morning when everything is printed out, yet both lecture and ppt are ready. About to go taste N's curry. I like the idea. A day of work and then rewards. How funny we are with our need for justification of pleasure. My account of Herakleios is done and now we need to see how the students will respond. I am slowly getting more relaxed about Tuesdays. The only hard thing about them is after all the early wake-up. The rest is fine. Over and out, off to dinner. The little image is Piero della Francesca on Heraclius.

I just woke up from a siesta. It felt absolutely essential, and yet I am now, 44 minutes of really heavy sleep later, in a state of slumber even as I slowly regain consciousness. Still, work has been done since the morning. The lecture is being written and yet another period of time with my students will be disposed of soon. I do see, however, how the change to light savings will produce brighter mornings at the expense of the evenings. I can see the light assuming a sun-set position and glow. Today feels like the day when the writer of this blog could be asked about his state of existence and he could answer: satis. Today was the sequell to 36 hours of complete satisfaction with the world around the present writer. So today I will post something that will not be inspired as it comes at the tail end of true excitement. Today I learned that one friend of mine will be getting married this summer. Why was I not informed?

Is it desire the spurs insecurity, or is it insecurity an aspect of desire. An element of chance that we appreciate simply because it escapes routine? In any case I exist in a state of happy, desirious insecurity. Unsure as to what I am doing and where I am going with this desire -and as a result increasily insecure in its possession - yet committed to its pursuit. This is all too complex I see. I do not intend to make it simpler though. I will, however, change the subject and discuss a good dinner. Yesterday I went out to a pretty fantastic French restaurant with Anthony. The food was spectacularly good, as was the "do zou vant zome mor guater sir" French on hormones service. Admitedly it was by a French guy so I should not mock him. It is however, difficult to take Frenchness too seriously in the super Anglo, and otherwise Asian environment of Vancouver. It was great chatting with Anthony. Reconnect automatically with the field. Tomorrow I will introduce him at the conference and will eventually go to dinner with him and with, it seems, το αντικείμενο του πόθου. Always interested in those dynamics. It is odd expressing oneself in this open accessible fashion. I do not intend to stop though. At least this way people have a glimpse into my mind. It may even be more honest.

The expectations game, the cynic and the romantic:

In every moment in our existence an action creates expectations of a reaction. A synthesis of this action and reaction leads to a state of existence, which itself is not static but rather creates expectations of further moments as well as further actions and reactions that lead from that one moment to the other. In fact, one could argue that for a whole series of action/reaction combinations, the creation of expectations that lead to projections regarding the future, which themselves end up defining the evolution of the set of actions and reactions that follow, becomes inevitable. It takes a particular kind of mental outlook to live those action/reaction scenaria focusing solely on their immediate outcomes and avoiding contemplations of the future. My own reason tells me that the short term view may actually be beneficial for my management of the said situations. My own mental temperament wants to order the world for the aeons to come. Reason and temperament therefore clash and I wonder what the result will be. By reason I am a cynic, by temperament a romantic. For the moment, as I leave those two elements to fight it out and decide, I assure myself with my basic desire to seize the day.

I am tired beyond belief. This is the first time that rock-climbing seems to have left me with pain. My left toe was so pressed during my climbs that today it is hard to step on it. As for my arms I can totally feel tham. This is the most complete workout that I have ever had in my life. It lasts for about half of the total three and a half to four hours which we dedicate to the whole visit and it is demanding. As I will not go next week with Anthony in town and myself at his conference, I am already feeling that I will fall behind. Beyond that there was quality time with my new friend. Today as a result of my bonviveurism (word exists?) I am sore, tired and in no state to do efficient work. Still I have started writing my lecture and I may have about half of it before I go to dinner at Maria's. I am looking forward to my bed later tonight.

Dinner last night was Pho-based. Very nice raw beef variety. Next time I need to add tripe. Next to the Vietnamese restaurant there was a long line of elderly ladies, keen as teenagers, patiently waiting in line (like true Canadians) to see the opening of the film "The Queen." This just to remind ourselves that we are not in the US. This country is peculiar this way. Let me note that those were all white grannies.

This is an image of my soul in a state of enthusiasm. It is I believe self-explanatory. I do not intend to post much more on this as sheer superstition, discretion, and the simple need to just listen to some music prevent me from doing so. In any case, life taken day by day. Today is good. Who knows about tomorrow. Cheers to all.